Bullying vs Banter: A Parent's Guide to Spotting, Stopping and Supporting Your Child in 2026

The Scale: How Common Is Bullying?

Bullying is one of the most widespread safeguarding concerns in schools. Research consistently shows its prevalence and impact are significant:

• The Anti-Bullying Alliance (2023) estimates that 1 in 4 children experience bullying at some point during their school years
• Ditch the Label's Annual Bullying Survey 2023 found that 29% of young people had experienced bullying in the previous 12 months
• Cyberbullying affects approximately 1 in 5 children aged 10–15, according to the ONS Children's Online Behaviour in England and Wales survey
• Children with SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) are twice as likely to be bullied as their peers (NSPCC, 2022)
• LGBTQ+ young people face significantly higher rates — 45% report being bullied because of their sexual orientation or gender identity (Stonewall Schools Report, 2023)

Warning Signs Your Child May Be Being Bullied

Children rarely disclose bullying directly — often because of shame, fear of making things worse, or not wanting to worry parents. Watch for these behavioural changes:

• Reluctance to go to school — stomach aches, headaches and other physical complaints on school days
• Coming home upset or withdrawn, particularly after school or after time on their phone
• Unexplained loss of belongings, money or lunch
• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
• Dropping out of activities they previously enjoyed
• Avoiding social situations — even with people they were previously close to
• Unexplained anxiety around their phone, or suddenly stopping use of apps they previously used frequently
• Distressing or self-deprecating comments about themselves: "I'm useless", "Nobody likes me"

How to Talk to Your Child

Choose a relaxed moment — on a walk, in the car — rather than a formal sit-down conversation. Start with open, low-pressure questions:

• "How are things with your friends at the moment? Anyone giving you a hard time?"
• "You seem quieter than usual — is everything okay?"
• "I've noticed you don't seem to want to go to school — is something going on?"

If they disclose: listen without immediately problem-solving. Validate their feelings first. Avoid minimising ("I'm sure they didn't mean it") or catastrophising ("Right, I'm going to the school tomorrow"). Agree together on what the next step should be.

Working with the School

All schools in England are legally required to have an anti-bullying policy. Governors must ensure it is kept up to date. When contacting the school:

1. Keep a log of incidents with dates, times and details before contacting the school
2. Request a meeting with the class teacher or pastoral lead — email creates a written record
3. Ask what the school's anti-bullying policy says and how incidents are formally investigated
4. If you are not satisfied with the response, escalate to the headteacher, then to the governors
5. As a final resort, contact the local authority or Ofsted if the school is failing to act on a safeguarding concern

Sources: Anti-Bullying Alliance, Bullying in Schools Research (2023); Ditch the Label, Annual Bullying Survey 2023; ONS, Children's Online Behaviour in England and Wales 2022/23; Stonewall, School Report 2023; NSPCC, Child Protection in England: Statistics (2024). Last reviewed: April 2026.